Thank you for this opportunity to speak at MeritConf 2015. First, a little background: I have been committed to the advancement of meritocracy for decades. Just ask my close personal friend Max Merrit, or any of the other fine fellas in Merit Club. (For those who don’t know: Merit Club is made up of meritorious individuals who have been voted on by other members, based solely on their merit.)
My record is clear: I have maximised my stats in both kinds of merit that a person can have: technical and business. I discovered the scientific fact that a person’s merit can be predicted from his clothing choices and beer preferences, to within a 0.001% margin of accuracy. This discovery has simplified hiring practices at many major corporations. I also helped build the Bay Area’s leading social merit rating system, a completely unbiased method of determining relative human merit based on the objective judgement of acquaintances from hackathons and drink-ups…
Further reading:
